Ever wonder what your therapist is actually thinking about when you’re talking to them? Or how about what they think about outside of their work in session with you? Below I’ve listed some things you may not have known about the other side of the room. What they think and even why they chose to do what they do. 

I’ve been there, on that couch wondering what they could possibly be thinking about me or if they think my story is insignificant and I’m just being a big baby. I’ve wondered if they really care or if they’re putting on a fake act because they have to in order to make a paycheck. 

1. They really do care. We aren’t faking the emotion you see in our faces when you say something painful. We feel the pain you went through, the pain you’re still going through, and the joys you experience as you achieve the goals you come to counseling to achieve.

2. They aren’t in this for the money. To be frank and honest, there’s no money to really be made in this field. The payouts are little compared to the effort that’s put in. However, there is great fulfillment in the work we do. We do this because we care because we feel called because it is our way of giving back. 

3. They think about you after you leave. It’s true, we really do. Something I see at a store will remind me of you, a song will come on that I’ll remind myself to share with you, a podcast episode, a movie, a website resource etc. You pop up in our minds all the time, we wake in the middle of the night thinking of something we want to say to you in the next session. 

4. As much as we’d like, we can’t fix you. Early on in our careers, we tend to try to “fix” our clients, thinking we have all the answers, thinking we know exactly what you need to do to solve your issue. We’re wrong almost all of the time. It isn’t about fixing anything, it’s about allowing you to have a safe and protected space for you to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. We are simply your co-pilot, a GPS system to help you navigate the foggy areas and the rough patches.

5. Most of us have a reason why we became a therapist. We all have a story. My initial move into the decision to become a therapist came after I started my own counseling. I wanted to pour into people the way he poured life back into me. And so my journey began. 

6. The ultimate goal for therapy: for you to not need us. From the moment you walk through the doors of my office for the first time, my hope for you is to get to a place in which you don’t need my office and my skills to live a fulfilling life. We want you to learn ways to care for yourself and ways to cope with your emotions so that you’ll rarely feel the need for us again. If you do, there’s no shame in that, I myself have been in and out of therapy several times in my life, I’ll continue to do that because it’s healthy and a form of self-care. Sometimes we need refreshers. But what you’ll find after you come back is that it was simply a small reminder of your already learned skills that you needed. Or maybe you need to work through a new issue. But these times it’ll feel less like you need your therapist and more like you want to go because you know it’s a place of healing. 

7. We feel your pain. Relatable to #3, when you share something that’s difficult for you to share, we feel that pain too. We cry with you, we laugh with you, we get angry with you. I recall a time when I saw a client who had shared with me the horrifying nature of her childhood abuse and the hopelessness she felt of ever being able to overcome it and live a happy life. I did all I could to speak life over her and into her but I felt deeply that same helplessness. I cried with her in session as she shared and after she left, I curled up in the fetal position in my therapist chair and wept. Ugly cried. For her. We feel you. 

I hope this was helpful and shed some insight into some of the things you may question about your therapist. Obviously, I am one therapist out of millions and can’t speak for them all but the ones I have spoken with about this all agree with the above and more. 

Do you have other questions about your therapist? I’d love to answer them in another blog post. Click here to submit your question and look for another blog post in the future for the answer.