A common question I often get from my friends and acquaintances is how to help a loved one, person they know, or friend with a mental illness or crisis. Below I’ve listed the feedback I often give.

1. Support them. This one is a bit trickier than it sounds because it’s complex and varies a lot because we have to tailor our support according to the individual. It’s okay to trust their feedback if they give you ways you can support them, but if they tell you they don’t know, don’t give up. Some good ol’ hospitality never hurt anyone, for example, taking a meal over to someone you know is battling depression, taking someone’s children for an afternoon so they can cope with their anxiety etc. 

2. Empathy. Empathy tends to be the item on the list that’s least understood. Empathy is also hard. It takes effort and time to get it right. Empathy is the practice of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and then reflecting back to that person with your words and actions that you care. If you have a loved one that just lost a spouse to divorce you could reflect empathy by saying to them “I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, that has to hurt so deeply in your heart.” Making statements like this opens up the conversation for more reflection and may just get the individual sharing more with you (which is what they need).

3. Listen. Sometimes the person just needs someone to listen. You don’t have to say much. Just let them let it out. 

4. Avoid generic comments like “I’m here for you” “I understand” or “Everything happens for a reason.” The general rule of thumb I tell people to use is: if you can’t find something empathic to say that fits that individual's needs, don’t say anything at all. Or say “I really wish I could relate to what you’re going through so that I could give you more thoughtful feedback, but I can’t and I’m sorry for that.” It’s better to reflect how the situation is making you feel in that moment than add in something generic that the person could’ve gotten from a greeting card. 

5. Reach out. If you fear this person is struggling more than you can help with, it’s always best to refer that person to a professional. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is a great resource when a person is experiencing those thoughts. That phone number is 800-273-8255. This practice specializes in issues that commonly plague women and we would be happy to help if that’s the specific need, however, we are always willing to provide other referrals, click here to reach someone that can help you further in this journey.