I don’t think many understand the impact that trauma has on the rest of our lives. You’ll hear some say “Oh that was in the past, I’m over it” or “I’ve moved on,” but have you? Below are some ways your childhood experiences may still be alive and well in your current life. This is not a comprehensive list but just a list of some common areas to which people might struggle. 

1. Marriage/partnership with significant others - think of it this way, if you learned that people couldn’t be trusted early in life due to a traumatic event, how do you expect to achieve the vulnerability it takes to have an intimate relationship with your partner? You also learn how to be a partner from the examples of those types of relationships around you. Did you witness violence? Did you ever see your parents/caregivers show affection? Did you hear them call each other names and struggle to resolve conflict? Do you see any of these same patterns in your own relationships? Or do you avoid all conflict so as to avoid repeating the same patterns? - all of this is how your childhood experiences can affect your relationships

2. Work performance - ever find yourself unable to stay focused or pay attention? Work performance can be greatly impacted by our early experiences due to the development of anxiety. Anxiety causes us to struggle to stay on task, to complete tasks without getting distracted and causes our mind to wander.

3. Physical health - the body often keeps the score of all of our life experiences. It stores memories deep in the membranes and we can often experience physical pain and suffering from it. If you’d like a great book to read on this topic I suggest The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

4. Parenting - Parenting is challenging without a history of trauma. But oftentimes we parent how we were parented. It takes great awareness and determination not to. Kids also tend to trigger anxiety so when anxiety is ignited within us we often go back to our “default” modes, which oftentimes are how we coped with anxiety when we were younger. Was this rage? Withdrawal? Overthinking? The great fear for parents of childhood trauma is that you will continue the cycle. Parenting when you have a history of childhood trauma takes great courage. It’s important to remember that your children will never fully understand your childhood experiences, at least that’s the hope. Parents need to also understand that developmentally appropriate behavior such as tantrums and lying are normal and typical and are not a sign that you’re doing anything wrong.

5. Sleep - sleep can often be difficult. Maybe your abuse took place at night, or your parents always fought after you went to bed, your brain is often triggered by these memories making it very difficult to sleep. Anxiety and trauma cause hypervigilance which will keep us awake as well, so if your childhood experiences caused you to suffer from anxiety, don’t be surprised if one of your symptoms is insomnia. 

Healing from trauma is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself, your partner, and your children. You can visit psychology today to learn more about scheduling with a therapist. If you’re interested in scheduling a visit with our practice just click here.